Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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