Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
