ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
