You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize