haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
