Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
