I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
