Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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