and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
