Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
