i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
