My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
