Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize