I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
