It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
