final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
