i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
