worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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