i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
