Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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