I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize