I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
