are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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