ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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