im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
