Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
