These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
