we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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