Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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