i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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