the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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