Too much gin, very little bucket
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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