This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
