Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
