I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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