dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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