at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
