Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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