JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
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Do I have a choice?
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Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize