gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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