if you like me you must not know who I am
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
