I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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