you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
