I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize