Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
