So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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