Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize