if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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