Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize