And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
