im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
