I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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