Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
