Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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