I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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