i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
