You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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