am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
