Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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