Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
