My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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