i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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