the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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