Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
