i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
