You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
