Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
