I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
