Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
