it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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