this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
