Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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