So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
