I wish life had little blips of pornography
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
